It seems like lately I have been struggling with depression, again. It's funny when i share that with some people because they think that I'm "cured" or have fully recovered from my Bipolar I Disorder. Unfortunately, there is no cure, but there is hope. I know this feeling will pass. I still struggle and go through cycles of mania and depression.
Because I'm a "People Pleaser", my anxiety gets really heightened from trying to please everyone from responding with the "right" response on facebook to making just the right dinner so everyone is happy in the family. Then I obsess over it. Ugh. Today I've done that. Someone made a statement to me that I'm sure was not meant to be offensive and because of my oversensitivity due to my Bipolar Disorder, I obsessed over it...felt bad, over analyzed it..got angry...felt stupid for getting angry over something so trivial...got depressed for the feelings I was feeling and then guilty for taking it out on loved ones... over one little comment someone made! And it wasn't even directed at me! This was when I had to make a decision and CHOOSE healthy Coping Skills instead of reverting to my old unhealthy Survival Skills. I quickly changed my thoughts by concentrating on positive ones, distracted myself with a funny sitcom ("The Middle" which I LOVE) and then I made it through to the other side. Whew.
Bipolar depression is often masked with anxiety. Medication has worked tremendously in my life, but that is only part of it. There is no magic pill to cure Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Mania or Anxiety. Medication helps me clear my mind so I can think clearly and then work on my issues and change my thought patterns with healthy thoughts like "Cognitive Behavior" and Talk Therapy. It takes work for not only myself, but my loved ones who are with me...they need to know the signs and symptoms and to be able to know when it is my illness or when I'm just being moody and rightfully acting out. ha.
Most of all, knowing that I'm not alone and knowing there are others out there like me gives me some hope. Feeling alone can feel very scary and lonely. It's so important to reach out and be honest to a few friends and family members you can trust to let them help you through your recovery days. Believe me, there will be times that they will need you, too!
My thought for the evening...you will be okay....I will be okay....you are never alone!
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